1/18/2013 - On the boat

In Mid-January I came across a 23 day cruise that would take our journey to 11 different destinations ending in Rio de Janeiro at the beginning of the Brazilian Carnival celebration.  We quickly booked the cruise and agreed to figure out how to get all the shots, visas and supplies after the fact.  Shortly before our appointment at the Brazilian consulate in Houston, Jesus’ passport was stolen while in the trunk of a friend’s car.  Single handedly, Jesus procured a new passport and visa in ONE DAY!

With all necessary documentation in tow we arrived at the ship and quickly learned that we were still in an alternate universe.  While waiting in an excruciating 2.5 hour line, we discovered that not only were all the embarkation workers for Holland America over 65 years old, but every passenger in line preparing to go aboard was as well.  Due to the length of the cruise, we assumed it would be a slightly older crowd. However, we were not even somewhat prepared for the truth.  I estimate that the average age on the boat is 70 years old.

At first, this realization startled me, but soon not only would I accept this alternate reality, I would quickly begin to embrace this oddity. I am invigorated by seeing this older population tackle life with such gusto.  On the bright side, the 3 of us also agreed we had a unique opportunity to be the hottest passengers on the boat.  We also agreed to make sport of trying to all find rich sugar daddies, navigate into any available will and seek to absorb as much wisdom as possible in 23 days.

In an effort to freely discuss the old people without being offensive, we coined the nickname “clams” – beach related since we are on a boat and all. Initially all the clams assumed we were one the many under 40 cruise staff stocking the gym, spa, shops, restaurants and performances on the boat.  I quickly started to play along and invited several clams to my fictitious Tuesday night pole dancing class for seniors.  Soon we would all become entangled in watching the many geriatric dramas, worker cast system and the secret shenanigans of the entertainers unfold.