2/12/2013 - Rio de Janeiro Beach Sites: Written by guest blogger JT Giesbrecht

Footvolley player

Rio had no shortage of gorgeous people and hot bodies.  Many Brasilians had light eyes, long eyelashes, and a genuine smile.  This made people watching extra special on the beach.  We broke our beach experience seal with a visit to Copacabana beach.  It was here that I first saw footvolley being played by some seriously toned athletes.  It is essentially volleyball with a soccer ball and you cannot use your hands to send the ball over the net.  The courts were occupied by teams of two and these guys gracefully covered a large area of sand, while making sure to look extra ‘hot’ at every step for our viewing pleasure. 

The amount of flesh that is shown or highlighted with the skimpy swimsuits was tantalizing to our senses as well.  The men have no problem wearing bikini style speedos or square leg swimmers.  In fact, you could spot the handful of tourists by observing who had on long board shorts......they should really be called ‘boring shorts’.  From our experience, the men at the straight beach showed just as much skin as the men at the gay beach.   The women typically sported tiny bikini tops and Brasilian cut bottoms, which essentially mean that the majority of their ass cheeks are exposed to the sand, sun, and prying eyes of all around.

Brasilian cut bikini

Even the children are running around with semi-wedgies while they frolic with their friends.  We appreciated that the culture supports people of any size and shape in wearing these Brasilian ‘beach uniforms’.  More power to those who don’t use a t-shirt to cover-up imperfect bodies.  Eventually, I caved and purchased a Brasilian bikini - you know what they say, “when in Brasil”!

Another mentionable aspect of beach life in Rio and other parts of Brasil are the beach vendors.  These include men carrying around rods or umbrellas weighed down by every color of bikini you could desire.  Around their neck you will find a big mirror and credit card machine.  Once they decide to zone in on their prey (ie...tourists!) they utilize the little legs on the rod so they can set down their store-front on the beach allowing you to go shopping without having to move.  Also, there are vendors peddling sunglasses at every turn, and Chalu mastered getting pair after pair for $5 USD vs the $10-$15 asking price.  Of course, there were tons of beer vendors and even some vendors with small charcoal grills, which were used to grill up skewers right there on the beach.  The funniest vendors were the ones posing to sell any of the above mentioned items but who were using it as a front for a drug business.  Even though we lacked Portuguese skills, we did master saying “não”, which is NO.  

Bikini anyone??

In order to take in all that the Rio beaches had to offer, you must be prepared to be surrounded by plenty of strangers in extreme close proximity.  Once you arrive at the beach a salesman will quickly find you and offer to bring you an umbrella and chairs to rent.  At roughly $4 per person per day, it’s an enticing deal.  The added perk is the fact that they give you a slip of paper with what you rented checked off and then offer to bring you delicious drinks.  Even in this crowded sardine packed environment they trust you will bring them the slip of paper before you leave and pay for what you consumed.  Yet another reason we adored the hospitality of the Carioca people.

2/10/2013 - Rio de Janeiro Block Party Adventures: Written by guest Blogger JT Giesbrecht

The Maasdam ship and it’s other occupants finally got rid of us troublemakers in Rio de Janeiro, Brasil.  We arrived in this gorgeous city the Sunday of the Carnaval celebration and knew at once that we needed to take in the lively scene to its fullest.  As our cab driver took us to our place we caught glimpses of magnificent floats lining the streets near the Sambadrome and realized we were in for an epic treat.  Our apartment for the next 10 days was located just blocks from the beach in the neighborhood of the world famous Copacabana Beach.  

Pretty angel

According to my lonely planet travel guide, there are many free block/street parties to attend throughout Carnaval.  We made it our mission to locate them, attempt to fit in, and stealth-fully pack away copies of our passports and money while in route.  The first block party we attended was in Copacabana Beach area and it consisted of hundreds of mainly local people dancing, dressed in costumes, drinking like crazy, and occasionally arriving in drag.  Come to find out, many straight men love wearing tight dresses and wigs at this time of year.  

As we stood on the outside of the block party taking in the sites, we all spotted a pretty male angel.  He wore contacts that were the shape and colors of Brasil,  a little white speedo, and gorgeous wings.  He was accompanied by his forgettable boyfriend and a very tall gregarious man who sported an afro wig.  They took us into their group like we were long time friends and started giving Jesus recommendations for the best parties the next day.  By this time our drinks were gone (shocking) and another group of locals offered us mango puree and some of their smirnoff vodka from the large bottle for free.  We even accepted their ice and threw caution to the wind.

I'm 19!

As this party was winding down, we decided to walk down the beach boardwalk and find  more action.  To our surprise, some young men who were dressed as ‘fairies’, decided they needed to gain our attention.  It was during this friendly exchange with the ‘fairy cousins’ that we were introduced to the extreme assertive nature of the Brasilian men-folk.  One of the 19 year old’s mom was near them saying to us, “Oh come on, you’re at Carnaval.  Give him a kiss.”  Their version of kissing should really be called ‘face rape’ or ‘I will eat your face’.  Enough said about that subject.

At another block party in Ipanema Beach we witnessed some incredibly wasted party-goers who decided it would be fun to hump all approaching vehicles.  After seeing how wild they drive in Brasil, this form of entertainment is a tad on the dangerous side if you ask me.  In fact, three people jumped onto the back of a garbage truck as it drove by and two of them fell onto the ground about 10 feet later.  They dusted themselves off and joined the party looking for their next ‘vehicle’ victim.

Love me, says the tranny

We be SO pink

At one point, we heard a drum circle pulsating samba music with an African beat.  We encouraged Chalu to do her ever-famous African dance in the middle of circle.  She boldly stepped into their game and proceeded to go crazy while they stared at her with an odd respect and a look of bewilderment.  It was one of the most priceless moments of the trip. 

We also observed a DRUNK mid 40’s aged woman who decided she should gyrate and grind on every man in her wake.  Well, she did just that while a full circle of locals engulfed her as she preyed on any man she could get her hands on.  She fell down with some force while trying to mount a man who had also fallen.....the drunk just keep on going, I tell you.  We rounded out our block party experience in a human sardine can and witnessed the oldest but classiest tranny ever.  She had on a mesh body suit and it showed off her fake tits splendidly.  Lastly, I learned my lesson the hard way. DO NOT admit you're American if you want to keep on your hot pink ‘lady ga-ga wig’, as the Brasilians called it, or your dignity.