2/12/2013 - Rio de Janeiro Beach Sites: Written by guest blogger JT Giesbrecht

Footvolley player

Rio had no shortage of gorgeous people and hot bodies.  Many Brasilians had light eyes, long eyelashes, and a genuine smile.  This made people watching extra special on the beach.  We broke our beach experience seal with a visit to Copacabana beach.  It was here that I first saw footvolley being played by some seriously toned athletes.  It is essentially volleyball with a soccer ball and you cannot use your hands to send the ball over the net.  The courts were occupied by teams of two and these guys gracefully covered a large area of sand, while making sure to look extra ‘hot’ at every step for our viewing pleasure. 

The amount of flesh that is shown or highlighted with the skimpy swimsuits was tantalizing to our senses as well.  The men have no problem wearing bikini style speedos or square leg swimmers.  In fact, you could spot the handful of tourists by observing who had on long board shorts......they should really be called ‘boring shorts’.  From our experience, the men at the straight beach showed just as much skin as the men at the gay beach.   The women typically sported tiny bikini tops and Brasilian cut bottoms, which essentially mean that the majority of their ass cheeks are exposed to the sand, sun, and prying eyes of all around.

Brasilian cut bikini

Even the children are running around with semi-wedgies while they frolic with their friends.  We appreciated that the culture supports people of any size and shape in wearing these Brasilian ‘beach uniforms’.  More power to those who don’t use a t-shirt to cover-up imperfect bodies.  Eventually, I caved and purchased a Brasilian bikini - you know what they say, “when in Brasil”!

Another mentionable aspect of beach life in Rio and other parts of Brasil are the beach vendors.  These include men carrying around rods or umbrellas weighed down by every color of bikini you could desire.  Around their neck you will find a big mirror and credit card machine.  Once they decide to zone in on their prey (ie...tourists!) they utilize the little legs on the rod so they can set down their store-front on the beach allowing you to go shopping without having to move.  Also, there are vendors peddling sunglasses at every turn, and Chalu mastered getting pair after pair for $5 USD vs the $10-$15 asking price.  Of course, there were tons of beer vendors and even some vendors with small charcoal grills, which were used to grill up skewers right there on the beach.  The funniest vendors were the ones posing to sell any of the above mentioned items but who were using it as a front for a drug business.  Even though we lacked Portuguese skills, we did master saying “não”, which is NO.  

Bikini anyone??

In order to take in all that the Rio beaches had to offer, you must be prepared to be surrounded by plenty of strangers in extreme close proximity.  Once you arrive at the beach a salesman will quickly find you and offer to bring you an umbrella and chairs to rent.  At roughly $4 per person per day, it’s an enticing deal.  The added perk is the fact that they give you a slip of paper with what you rented checked off and then offer to bring you delicious drinks.  Even in this crowded sardine packed environment they trust you will bring them the slip of paper before you leave and pay for what you consumed.  Yet another reason we adored the hospitality of the Carioca people.

2/10/2013 - Rio de Janeiro Block Party Adventures: Written by guest Blogger JT Giesbrecht

The Maasdam ship and it’s other occupants finally got rid of us troublemakers in Rio de Janeiro, Brasil.  We arrived in this gorgeous city the Sunday of the Carnaval celebration and knew at once that we needed to take in the lively scene to its fullest.  As our cab driver took us to our place we caught glimpses of magnificent floats lining the streets near the Sambadrome and realized we were in for an epic treat.  Our apartment for the next 10 days was located just blocks from the beach in the neighborhood of the world famous Copacabana Beach.  

Pretty angel

According to my lonely planet travel guide, there are many free block/street parties to attend throughout Carnaval.  We made it our mission to locate them, attempt to fit in, and stealth-fully pack away copies of our passports and money while in route.  The first block party we attended was in Copacabana Beach area and it consisted of hundreds of mainly local people dancing, dressed in costumes, drinking like crazy, and occasionally arriving in drag.  Come to find out, many straight men love wearing tight dresses and wigs at this time of year.  

As we stood on the outside of the block party taking in the sites, we all spotted a pretty male angel.  He wore contacts that were the shape and colors of Brasil,  a little white speedo, and gorgeous wings.  He was accompanied by his forgettable boyfriend and a very tall gregarious man who sported an afro wig.  They took us into their group like we were long time friends and started giving Jesus recommendations for the best parties the next day.  By this time our drinks were gone (shocking) and another group of locals offered us mango puree and some of their smirnoff vodka from the large bottle for free.  We even accepted their ice and threw caution to the wind.

I'm 19!

As this party was winding down, we decided to walk down the beach boardwalk and find  more action.  To our surprise, some young men who were dressed as ‘fairies’, decided they needed to gain our attention.  It was during this friendly exchange with the ‘fairy cousins’ that we were introduced to the extreme assertive nature of the Brasilian men-folk.  One of the 19 year old’s mom was near them saying to us, “Oh come on, you’re at Carnaval.  Give him a kiss.”  Their version of kissing should really be called ‘face rape’ or ‘I will eat your face’.  Enough said about that subject.

At another block party in Ipanema Beach we witnessed some incredibly wasted party-goers who decided it would be fun to hump all approaching vehicles.  After seeing how wild they drive in Brasil, this form of entertainment is a tad on the dangerous side if you ask me.  In fact, three people jumped onto the back of a garbage truck as it drove by and two of them fell onto the ground about 10 feet later.  They dusted themselves off and joined the party looking for their next ‘vehicle’ victim.

Love me, says the tranny

We be SO pink

At one point, we heard a drum circle pulsating samba music with an African beat.  We encouraged Chalu to do her ever-famous African dance in the middle of circle.  She boldly stepped into their game and proceeded to go crazy while they stared at her with an odd respect and a look of bewilderment.  It was one of the most priceless moments of the trip. 

We also observed a DRUNK mid 40’s aged woman who decided she should gyrate and grind on every man in her wake.  Well, she did just that while a full circle of locals engulfed her as she preyed on any man she could get her hands on.  She fell down with some force while trying to mount a man who had also fallen.....the drunk just keep on going, I tell you.  We rounded out our block party experience in a human sardine can and witnessed the oldest but classiest tranny ever.  She had on a mesh body suit and it showed off her fake tits splendidly.  Lastly, I learned my lesson the hard way. DO NOT admit you're American if you want to keep on your hot pink ‘lady ga-ga wig’, as the Brasilians called it, or your dignity.

2/9/2013 - Ilhabela, Brasil Adventures: Written by guest Blogger TracyGiesbrecht

Our final port destination on the cruise was Ilhabela island, which is about 210 miles southwest of Rio de Janeiro.  The island is absolutely gorgeous and at first blush it reminded me of ‘the Hamptons’ of Brasil.  Gorgeous hills lined with think lush jungle terrain, an ample supply of higher end tourist stores in the town center, and expensive boats were just a handful of things we spotted rather quickly.  It was also bustling with other Brasilian tourists enjoying a weekend get-away in paradise.

Stinky Jack Sparrow

We were greeted by a Jack Sparrow look-a-like in the town center.  For a small donation  he pretended to shoot you, cut you, and posed with you for pictures.  In fact, he was so authentic that his silky shirt was smothered against his back with sweat, not to mention, his body odor was out of control. 

One has two activity options while in Ilhebela.  Hire a tour group to escort you into the jungle with a heavy duty 4 wheel drive or explore the beaches at your pace.  We chose the latter.  While exploring the beaches we stopped at several beach bars to assess the menu.  The price of the local drink of Brasil, caipirinha, is a good gauge for the overall cost of the restaurant.  Let’s just say, Ilhebela isn’t cheap, it was ‘expensive’ or ‘even more expensive’.  

Expensive as shit

During our restaurant window shopping we ran into Basil and Dan at a dive beach bar.  Dan quickly offered us the rest of his big beer for free, which I graciously accepted without hesitation.  He admitted that the partial beer he drank had him feeling pretty buzzed.  He was drying off from his swim and decided that wearing his wet speedo was unacceptable.  He proceeded to change into a dry speedo right in front of us while barely covering up with a towel.  Ummm, we saw enough of Dan’s 86 year old goodies in 20 seconds to scar us for life.  But what the hell, you only live once.

2/5/2013 - Maceió, Brasil Adventures: Written by guest Blogger JT Giesbrecht

I distinctly remember hearing the following statement over the intercom of the ship the morning we docked in Maceió, “We have been advised by the Brasilian government that you shouldn’t eat any food from the street vendors.  Also, please do not swim in the ocean as the water is contaminated.”  Hmm, okay.  So, that leaves us with taking our chances with the food and admiring the hot Brasilians with very little clothing at the beach from our perch on the shore.

On our way to follow these basic marching orders we were stopped every 30 seconds by locals who wanted to sell us something or anything.  They typically approached Chalu first since she obviously looked the most Brasilian of our group, which meant she ‘must’ speak Portuguese.  Fairly quickly, she figured out that you simply needed to say, “Fala Ingles??” (speak English?) in order for them to flee the scene.  It actually turned into a comical spectacle as we proceeded down the boardwalk discouraging one peddler after another. 

We came across an adorable older looking lime green VW van that had been turned into a mobile drink trailer, which I learned at the end of our trip were still produced in Brasil up until two years ago because of limited safety requirements.  The biggest draw for us was the mere fact that the lady running the trailer yelled to us in English.....we hadn’t heard English on land for days!  She showed us this extensive menu of caipivodka with all fresh fruits and just as we were salivating she mentioned that she only knew how to make 2 of the drinks.  We each ordered a muddled tangerine and strawberry caipivodka.  After 2 glorious sips, Chalu had a terrified look on her face and burst out, “Oh no! We just drank their ice!  Oh well, I guess it’s too late.”  And that was that.

Our next stop was a beach cafe to use their free internet, little did we know they would charge us for listening to the DJ they had on site once we tabbed out.  Upon our arrival, an adorable 10 year old girl approached me with a priceless smile and gracefully forced one of her many hats on my head.  She slyly pulled out a mirror and encouraged me to see how wonderful I looked.  Instead of buying the hat I threw her two bucks and asked for a picture with her.
 

At this point we decided to order food and assumed that the dish we ordered appeared to be beef and cheese empanadas according to our Portuguese translation.  To our surprise, we were given fried fish.  However, the beach view of half naked bodies from our table took our minds off the little mix-up. 

Once we arrived back on the boat we were excited to find out it was Latin dance night up in the Crow’s Nest.  We were pleasantly surprised to find more than 1 person in the bar for once and the ‘mystery couple’ had also made an appearance.  The woman left shortly after we arrived which left Frederico to fend for himself.  He proceeded to take turns dancing with all of the ladies in a variety of dance styles.  Let’s just say that he owned the dance floor.  Chalu found out that he was originally from Mexico and was living in the south of France teaching dance.  So this explained all of his fancy outfits and precise moves.  

However, this didn’t answer the other burning questions surrounding the couple.......stay tuned for more.

2/3/2013 - Recife, Brasil Adventures: Written by guest Blogger Tracy Giesbrecht

Recife was one of the least memorable ports of our cruise.  In fact, I had to review the pictures from this city just to remember what kind of trouble we encountered.  As I research it a bit further it’s now dawning on me that we missed seeing the majority of Recife according to wikitravel.  Since internet cost us around $.50 a minute while on board the ship we relied on the travel guide, Daniel, to give us tips for sightseeing in most ports.  However, there were many times when we arrived in the gangway (exit ramp on the ship) too late to find him or he was swarmed by older ‘clams’ who were very upset that they couldn’t understand what he was pointing at on his simple cruise maps.  

Jackfruit vendor

We were shuttled into the Old Recife part of the city and decided to take in a couple of tourist attractions by hoofing it the old fashioned way.  On our way to the sites we encountered a mix of urban living and the ‘anything is for sale’ attitude of the Brasilian people.  There was a friendly local who was cutting up jackfruits from the back of his cart.  It was such a large unique looking fruit that we were immediately drawn to him.  He was missing a few teeth, had extremely dirty hands and was using a small machete to elegantly dismantle the jackfruits.  We tried our best to ask him what kind of fruit he was selling and he eagerly handed us pieces of the fruit to taste.  He asked where we were from and proceeded to make hilarious ‘shooting a gun in the air’ hand gestures once he understood we lived in Texas, Estados Unidos.  We laughed out loud from nervous embarrassment and tried to tip him for his fruit tasting which he discouraged ever so politely. 

Convento Franciscano

Shortly thereafter we arrived at the Convento Franciscano de Santo Antônio which also houses a museum of sacred art.  We agreed the $2 admission fee per person was well worth it especially since we would have access to a bathroom.  (Of course we hadn’t learned our Brasilian lesson that this only meant access to a toilet.  No toilet paper or soap.)  The convent was built in 1588 and boasts beautiful gold engravings and portuguese-tiles throughout.  While trying to capture the beauty with pictures we were nicely scolded to quit using flash as it will create a break in the chemical bonds, which produces deterioration.  Oops!  Our next stop was Casa de Cultura which was once the city prison and has been turned into an assortment of regional arts and crafts housed in each cell.

Sala de Internet

Lastly, how could any port destination be complete without the access of free or cheap internet?  Our typical task turned into an hour excursion and allowed us to see the immense amount of goods for sale on any given street in Recife.  Jesus must have asked 10 people where we could find the closest Sala de Internet (internet cafe) and we were given a variety of answers.  Turns out that Brasilians love to stop and try to help you but they notoriously point you in the wrong direction.  Finally, we stumbled into a sala de internet and were told to go up a tiny spiral staircase.  The ceiling on the second floor was no higher than 7 feet and the equipment was equally unimpressive.  There was no wifi available so we proceeded to plug away on these old machines during our 30 minutes of paid internet access.  At one point the entire room was full and as I turned around to assess the scene I saw that every single computer was logged into FaceBook.  

Moral of the story:  It is truly amazing that you can travel to a multitude of destinations to connect with the local people while telling yourself that staying off the internet grid is in your best interest.  Yet, the connections you make in person will follow you for potentially years to come once you solidify these new connections online.

2/1/2013 - Finally entering Belem, Brasil and the Mystery Couple: Written by guest Blogger Tracy Giesbrecht

We were so excited to finally enter Brasilian waters which meant we were only ten days away from Rio and Carnaval!  Our ship’s travel advisor, Daniel, had encouraged us all to peruse this large authentic Brasilian market during our short stay in Belem.  All we had to do was get a ride on a tender from our ship and then take a free shuttle from the port into Belem which was 45 minutes away.  

Port area

Let’s just say that nothing went according to plan.  Our ship couldn’t use our own tenders, thanks to the Brasilian government, and the Brasilians didn’t supply enough tenders for our passenger requirements.  This put us hours behind schedule and by the time we arrived at the port we only had 2.5 hours before we had to be back on the Mother Ship.  This left us no time to wait for the shuttle into Belem.  

you tell me what that is

These set-backs actually turned into a positive experience for our group as we decided to simply explore the port area.  We entered the ‘very local market’ which had more underwear for any size person than I’ve seen in all Victoria Secrets combined.  A bit deeper into the market we saw raw cuts of beef, chicken, fish and numerous unidentified animals.  Many of the cuts of meat were hanging on a hook out in the open with their tendons and cartilage in tact.  Our next stop was a local grocery store to buy champagne for our upcoming Sunday Funday on the boat.  This leg of the trip took longer than expected since this was our first experience with ‘reals’, Brasilian money (pron.: /reɪˈɑːl/) and trying to communicate with very little understanding of the Portuguese language.  

cerveja

We rounded out our short stay by drinking large ‘cervejas’ for $1.50 each, trying to obtain intermittent free internet and using what would become the norm for Brasilian bathrooms.  The typical bathroom entails a door that is very difficult to lock if it locks at all, no toilet paper and lights which turn off automatically 5 seconds after you have sat on the toilet.  But this can all be forgotten when a food vendor knocks on your door and hands you a baby roll of toilet paper in a dirty plastic bag.  Thus began our experience with the generous and kind people of Brasil. 

Back on the ship our curiosity was piqued by a 'mystery couple' who sat near us almost every night for dinner.  We guessed the woman was in her late 50's to early 60's and the gentleman was probably early 50's.  The mystery was surrounding their relationship status and why they were on the boat together.  It was perpetuated by his never-ending wardrobe of sequenced vests, flashy shoes and shark skin suits.  Did he like women? Was she paying his way?  Did that mean he had to sleep with her?

Stay tuned to find out what we know about the mystery..............

1/30/2013 - Devil's Island, French Guiana Adventures: Written by guest Blogger Tracy Giesbrecht

View of Devil's Island from Royale

The first time I ever heard of Devil’s Island, French Guiana, was when I was at the travel clinic in Austin prior to our trip.  We were told we needed the yellow fever shot prior to entering Brasil due to our itinerary of cruise destinations.  The nurse at the clinic was kind enough to give me a print out of each island we would encounter which included a color coding to help us identify disease laden areas.  Needless to say, Devil’s Island was grayed out signifying that there was high prevalence of yellow fever and malaria and she cautioned that we should wear 35% deet mosquito spray while visiting the island.  Oh goody!

Prison cell

Our ship’s travel guide, Daniel, gave us the history of the political prisoners they once held near the shark infested waters and assured us we would only need 1.5 hours to see the whole island.  However, we took double the time to traipse through historic ruins, old prisons, a lagoon area, and the gift shop on a mission to find monkeys.  It seemed that every passenger we passed had just seen a group of monkeys who were very friendly and willing to pose for pictures as long as you gave them a little food.  As luck would have it, we saw no such thing during the first half of our trek.  

Next, we encountered a group of French speaking young people who were cleaning up areas of the island while dressed in camouflage outfits.  Besides the woman at the gift shop/refreshment stand these teenagers were the only other people who came to the island during the day.  Some of the young men were sporting fitted camouflage shorts and we couldn’t resist taking pictures of them as we crossed their path.

French clean-up crew

At this point Chalu and I decided to explore the east side of the island before heading back to the ship and Jesus went back into the west part of the island on his quest for monkey sitings.  We agreed that we would meet back on the ship and knew the last tender, the small boat which would take us to the ship, was leaving at 4:30pm.  We heard there was a lagoon near our path and continued on until we finally found the serene body of water.  It was just Chalu, myself, an agouti and a cock.  Suddenly, some of the young French men appeared near us and we started to get a tad worried.  What if they were naughty kids in a Guiana juvie program who were sent here by boat everyday to do their community service?  Chalu tried her best to communicate with them but to no avail.  We slowly got up and made our way out of the lagoon area and could hear one of the French boys yell, “Facebook???”.  Whew, all they wanted was to be our online friends. 

Finally, a monkey!

At 4:10pm we were in our stateroom on the ship and I said to Chalu, “I hope Jesus is okay.”  Not more than 15 seconds later our phone rings and we are asked by security if Jesus is in the room.  By 4:20pm the captain says over the intercom, “We are waiting on 2 more passengers before we can leave.  I really wouldn’t want to be stuck on Devil’s Island!”.  The captain is unbelievable.  You aren’t even considered late until 4:30pm.  Later we found out that Jesus was waiting on the tender to arrive to take him and other passengers back to the boat.  Crisis averted and he was able to see some freaking monkeys!